Some people have allergies, some people get sunburned easily, others have unruly cowlicks, but me, I have Murphy's Law. That's right. Good ole' Murphy. According to Wikipedia, Murphy's Law is defined as "an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: 'Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.'"
Sounds peachy as a way of life, huh? Ole' Murph is so annoying we have even considered (Read: I have considered) naming our first child Murphy in hopes that it will off-set this horrid luck. (Murphy Dangelico. Ick) But, alas, it would probably just end up in an epic, LOST-worthy catastrophe of remote desert islands, excessive nickname-calling and a ridiculously short, evil kidnapper with a God-complex.
The ways in which Murphy's Law plagues me include—but are not limited to—the following:
- First year of being married, insane amount of money due on our taxes
- Multiple gray hairs before 25 (Shout out to my mom who, whenever I comment on my grays, says: "You know, your grandfather was completely white by 25." Please note that the number gets closer and closer to my current age each time she mentions it.)
- My job (Growing up in a rented farm house with no farm animals does not a cowgirl make.)
- Tall, big hands AND big feet ('Nuff said. And none of that "at least you're proportional," shite)
- Eight-kids, poor parents (Sorry Mom.) (You know the song "Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat?" -Aristocats Well, just think of it this way: All my friends are cats. I'm a gargantuan mouse.)
- Car repairs, always at the worst times
- Elbow holes (THIS IS ONE OF THE WORST)
- Fancy and expensive pizza stone breakage
- Excessive sleepiness (I have managed to stay up until 12 exactly once in this new year, at least.)
- Small teeth (See bullet number 4 = cruel combination)
- Honeymoon FAIL (Including: Food poisoning and other undesirable illnesses, excessive buginess, overweight nude sunbathers and lack of AC/fan/a freaking breeze?)
- Queso stain on my only white dress shirt (Cruel and unusual)
- Coupons expiring the day before I want goto use them (ALWAYS)
and finally...the most-current whammy:
- While trying to show a friend (Shout out to SJ!) how to to set-up an out-of-office reply, my email freaks out and sends an out-of-office reply to EVERY SINGLE EMAIL IN MY INBOX. What the? How is that even possible, right? (My boss got 100 emails. The DEPARTMENT HEAD GOT 47.) WHAAT?!
Someone please save me from the evil Murphy. Or just put me out of my misery. (Or just buy me a drink?)
P.S.: And, if, just if, you happen to be wondering what the little evil Murphy Dangelico might look like, Google has an answer for you. And (somehow, in God's name) this is what it came up with:
...I can totally see the resemblance.