Small Victories, Or Not.

arbitrary
adjective
1 an arbitrary decision: capricious, whimsical, random, chance, unpredictable; casual, wanton, unmotivated, motiveless, unreasoned, unsupported, irrational, illogical, groundless, unjustified; personal, discretionary, subjective. antonym: reasoned, rational.

Today I'm eating my sandwich out of a one-gallon freezer bag because we ran out of sandwich baggies. I just decided that coffee and turkey & cheese don't agree. I want to move somewhere exotic. I need to decorate my room. And Better Homes & Gardens is sending me 55 Tips for a Fabulous Fourth! My sandwich is "disappearing" too quickly. I hate it when that happens.

Every part of me is running in overdrive today thanks to two gigantic mugs of really strong, black coffee and very little food in my stomach. (Cue the sandwich remedy.) In these moments, when my sandwich is gone and I'm still hungry, I think too much and often decide that I'm going to change my life. From my desk.

So I think, wouldn't it be nice to pick up a year from now and move to Cali. or the south of France? If I chose the West coast, I'd look for a small beach bunaglow in Santa Barbara, If France, I'd go with a little hut in Marseille or Toulouse. I don't need anything extravagant. I don't even want internet. The more time I spend away from the beach, the more I miss the atmosphere, the sounds, the calm. I'm definitely one of the unfortunate types who needs that mental reinforcement, that atmospherical (?) push to take a deep breath, relax. All of this isn't to say that I've abandoned my dreams (from prev. post) of escaping this...mess, (wow, really full circle) I am still all for that. But if I have to work, if I have to live somewhere with running water, then here. Or There.

And then, I should stop by Home Depot on my way home, buy some paint (green, or gray) and paint my room. Finally patch those curtains. Paint that canvas that is hidden behind the dresser and hang it over the bed. My dream would be to find a non-tacky shade of gold and paint my oversized room gold. It would be perfect for the Indian-theme I secretly want. Is it weird that the two qualitites I want my bedroom to possess are as follows: colorful and crowded. And Indian. Right now it's too empty, too bright with its never-ending white walls and light pouring in from the walls and skylights.

I have an obnoxiously red KitchenAid mixer on my counter that serves (in my opinion) as a daily reminder of two things: 1. That I am not married 2. That I am not domestic (enough). So sometimes I move it around, or leave it plugged in overnight, or flip through the instruction manual that came with it, and ultimately, leave it untouched. But last night it was being extraordinarly bright red and flashy and I just couldn't take it anymore, so I had to handle the situation. I made some really delicious cranberry almond cookies that turned out perfectly golden and delicious. I'm proud of myself. The more I push myself in the kitchen, the more confidence I get. Homemade lasagna, penne a la vodka: TBD. But for now, it's just the nightly challenge of boiling various shapes of pasta noodles and heating sauce. Small victories, for now at least.