Thursday, November 17, 2011

Life Is Too Short

Oh, hey. Where have you guys been? I've just been waiting here to post something but no one showed up so I just went and did some other things, like dishes, and... OK. You caught me. I've gone and done it again; I've been cheating on this blog with a sly fox of a fellow called "real life." A portrait of our love looks like this:

But I had enough. I told him to bugger off and leave me to my little world of cheese and cuteness.

I have been preoccupied with thangs. Work thangs. Cute husband thangs. Dogs up all night thangs. Friends being happy thangs. Other thangs. I'm done saying thangs now.

And, yes, if you were wondering I AM forcing myself to blog today.

This morning I hopped my hiney out of bed at 6 a.m. as my alarm told me it was time to get up to work out before work. Before—did you hear me? Do I get a medal for that or something? Probably not, because the rest of the story is: I stumbled to my phone, slapped the snooze button on the screen and yelled—to no one in particular— "Life is too short!" as I threw myself back into bed and cuddled up to D. "Life is too short!" I yelled, excusing myself from working out today, something that will likely keep me healthy and kicking for a lot longer? Something is not right in my head.

I've been of the dog-tired sort lately. As most people expected, work spiraled out of control with the loss of two staff members, and I disappeared into all of it for a while. Into the mess of way too much to do and not enough time, enough man power, enough sense to do it all. I took on 3 jobs, welcomed a promotion in October, kept chugging along—stressing out, forgetting to take deep breaths, getting pimples—and juggled and juggled. A replacement for one of the positions started on Monday, so I've been enjoying the pace of a just-two-job day. I have time to come up for air, etc. I have time to peruse wedding sites, which is great timing because my perfectly wonderful dear old friends Emily & Jake just got engaged last Friday!!!!

Aren't they adorbs? After 6 plus years together they are tying the not! Wahoo! Party time! (And that's not even ALL, the day after they got engaged Emily ran her first half-marathon—making her a bride-to-be and a champ!)

Other than taking deep breaths, and cheering for my friends, I'm not quite sure where I am right now. I think I am just standing (sitting) here breathing for the time being. I am gearing up to start over again—to commence the job search, the excitement, rejection, exhaustion, interviews (hopefully) all over again and hope that this time I'll be one of the lucky ones. I've watched a few dear friends leave this place over the past year and while I have been so happy for them, it's been hard to be the one left standing, breathless. Walking empty quiet halls, keeping my head down until 5 p.m., missing the jokes, the joy I used to have here that made the work day a little easier to bear. 

I still have the feeling that I am on the verge of something amazing. A new chapter. A fresh start. And whether that is just another chapter of our lives, or a new career chapter, I am hopeful about what it will bring, the peace that will come with it. I feel like I've been emotionally running on empty for far too long, and a new set o' wheels might be just what I need. 

Life is too short, and so is the window of opportunity I had to compose this post. The phone is buzzing, the new guy is hovering in my doorway, the Inbox counter on my email is flashing a new number in my face every few seconds. All of it calling me back into the world of work, and I don't want to go, but I will—for now. Getting through today for the promise of something else tomorrow. Sticking around here so I can get there—eventually.

That's enough for now.