But the moral of the story is: you get back up.
You step into the shower, letting the steam and hot water wash over you, your tear-stained face and bloodshot eyes. You stand there and take deep breaths and hold back more tears and try to wipe your mind clear. You dry off, put on fresh clothes and you go downstairs. You let your husband hold you like child, you talk on the phone to your sisters who encourage you, inspire you, comfort you, make you laugh.
You laugh so hard your stomach hurts. You let them warm your heart. You let yourself be happy. You remember all that you have to be thankful for.
Then comes sleep. No dreams. Just blackness, breathing, a knowledge that morning will come soon enough. You will rise again and face it all, and you will take it all in stride. You will overcome with kindness and with hard work. You will find a way to warm your own heart, and to move on and let a big change become the norm. Constantly moving forward until it's hard to remember things being any other way.
You get there by letting yourself be sad, crying all the tears you can manage, reminding yourself to take deep breaths and then managing a laugh—even if you have to fake it at first—just long enough to tell yourself you're going to be OK. Everything's going to be OK.
1 comment:
Lia, I just want to commend you for being honest through your difficult time. I feel like there is this unspoken pressure, especially on FB, to be HAPPY ALL THE TIME!!!! and it's refreshing to know that there are others of us who are happy but are also sad sometimes too.
Of course I hope for you that the tough days speed by quickly and you arrive at some brighter ones soon, but I wanted to say that I never want to minimize the sad times either. I was talking honestly with a friend the other day and she said, "Oh, you're just in a negative place right now," and while it is true, I find myself in a negative place more this year than, say, last year, the way she said it was so dismissive. Like, whatever I say right now can be largely ignored.
Anyway, this is getting long, too long for a blog comment, but I just wanted to thank you for the honesty, and I hope you can ignore the people who will try to minimize your pain and ignore your complaints because "you're just in a negative place right now." It's unrealistic to expect us to be positive constantly (what does that even mean? and is it even desirable? or is it self-delusion?).
Much love.
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