If you're reading my recent blog resurgence and wondering why it sounds like I'm still 'finding myself,' it's because I still am! I think that is pretty normal for mid- to late-ish 20s (yikes!). But I find it pertinent to share that I also was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease within the past three years that helped explain why I have been SO EXHAUSTED my whole life. Read more here. Since getting on daily medication (and also making some dietary changes due to allergies/sensitivities/general healthfulness, etc) I am feeling a whole hell of a lot better lately.
Actually, I feel like a whole new person these days - sort of.
And part of that whole experience is: Look, I can stay up past 10 p.m.! Look, I can think somewhat clearly! Look, social situations do not put me in a state of panic! Look, not everything makes me feel overwhelmed anymore!
It has been wonderful 'getting back to myself,' but it's a little scary, too. Sometimes I worry that I spent the first 22 years of my life on 'coast,' barely able to get through the day let alone LIVE IT UP as a wild, young thing. In fact, I know that I didn't - and wasn't able to - enjoy my youth as much as I should have, or as others did. But that's OK. I'm alive now, aren't I? And there is still plenty of living left in me.
It's nothing at all like having a serious, terminal illness but in a way the whole situation has helped give me some much-needed perspective on a few things, which I will share with you now:
1. How lucky I am be alive!
2. Woah, life is short and goes by so quickly!
3.You should definitely GO SKYDIVING for your 25th birthday or you never will!
4. You should never turn down a free trip - anywhere!
5. Sleeping is amazing but isn't everything - eventually, you will get caught up (when you die).
6. If you can't 'be you,' while you do it, it's probably not the right thing for you.
7. The ends of movies are often very interesting and it's fun to be able to stay awake long enough to watch them!
8. People have a lot of love to give if you make the effort to reach out and be present with them.
9. Even the things that feel THE MOST SERIOUS in life can be remedied (or at least made easier) with laughter. No matter what's going on, there is always a way through, you just have to find it.
10. Life is give and take - for example my meds clear my head but also give me a terrible memory (cloud brain) at times. You give everything you have to give and take what you can get and make the best of it (even when you just want to whine about it).
11. Marriage is one of the absolute best and HARDEST things ever. They don't tell you that up front (read this article by Momastery). This hard and holy 'love forging' with David over the past seven years has been my all-time best work, - our life's masterpiece. It requires a lot of energy and trust and fear and courage and a good sense of humor and a willingness to SHOW UP, every day, no matter what. This actually applies to all REAL relationships - hard work, folks.
Thank you for bearing with me in this sort of quarter-life-crisis-y thing that's going on with me right now. We'll figure it all out together - or at least have fun doing it!
Love you all!
xo,
L
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